Is it Okay Being Mediocre?
I’ve never excelled at anything in life. I’m not exaggerating when I say that. And I’m not saying that as a “woe is me” statement to sucker empathy out of anyone. It’s just a matter of fact.
As a child, I was labeled as “having potential,” which just meant that some adult felt that I could always do better than I was actually performing.
When I was in middle school, kids were sectioned off according to whatever-means-they-use-to-label-kids’-intelligence. I was always in the “almost smart” group. There were 5 sections. And everyone knew that Section 1 was the smart class of kids–the future lawyers, valedictorians, and brain surgeons. Or, as we other sections called them, “the nerds.”
I consistently had my place in the Section 2 class throughout middle school. You know, that section of kids that “had potential” but never reeeeeally gave enough effort to earn their way into Section 1.
(And the Section 5 kids?? Everyone knew those were the “stupid” kids. Now, of course, I know they had learning disabilities.)
But it was a clear division, and it spoke loudly to what you were labeled as, and probably, where you were going to go in life, and how far.
Now, staring down my 36th birthday, I’ve come to the hard reality that I have never graduated from Section 2.
In fact, I’ve spent my whole entire life in Section 2.
When Your Best Isn’t Good Enough
I’m not going to pretend that my entire life I’ve given my best effort. Often times, I would quit before making an effort; that way, if I failed, I could say it’s because I didn’t try hard enough, not because I was incapable or inefficient.
In fact, I hated vulnerability (and still do).
Which leads me to present day in my current position and a rather disheartening situation.
I’m a Project Manager for a non-profit. I’m a newbie, having started just 5 months ago, and really, am still learning the ropes and the company culture, but have prided myself on taking the initiative in moving myself forward, learning the “ins” and “outs” of my program.
However, last week, my supervisor pulled me into her office and laid out all the ways in which I have not been performing to expectation–everything from forgetting to add or remove something from the shared calendar, to not responding quickly enough to an email deemed “important,” to not emailing her notice if I am running late.
As she touted off my inefficiencies, her perplexed face peered into mine, questioning if these things were oversights or me being insubordinate. In the same breath she said that she loved my initiative, my energy, and how impressed she was with me during my interview, and that I am doing a good job, and that I shouldn’t misconstrue what she is saying to mean I’m not doing a good job.
Yet there we were.
The implied, “You have the potential to do a better job” and “You’re not performing to the level we’d like” and me, inwardly shaking my head.
Because little did she know that I was working my ass off, making the most conscious effort to give my best, something that was often lacking at other jobs in which I hated. But I enjoy this job. I’m good at what I do. I manage the demands of the project, and feel confident to make decisions to move the project forward. I’m a strong, energetic, passionate woman.
But in that moment, I was shuffled back to Section 2, all over again, inhibited by my “potential” and inefficiencies.
Letting Go of Perfection
The icing on the cake this morning was my supervisor requesting to be included on every single one of my email communications going forward. Although she explained away the request as a mere formality and systems approach, I know what it really implied: lack of trust.
But I’m not perfect.
I make mistakes. But I don’t beat myself up over them. I try to learn from them. I take actions so that I can prevent it from happening again. And even then–you know what? Sometimes I may still flub something.
But my intentions are pure. I do want to excel and to exceed expectations.
But I also know that I don’t have to be perfect.
And that is the crux of the situation: If you’re giving your all, and are willing to try to learn from your mistakes, who gives a shit if you make a mistake??
Is It Okay Being Mediocre?
Answering “yes,” without exceptions, could be misconstrued as an excuse for laziness. Why forge ahead when you can stay in your comfort zone of not having to put yourself “out there” and potentially fail, right? No, there are acceptions. Yes, it’s okay to be mediocre as long as you have tried your best….that you always work to stay focused….that your ears are open to criticism without feeling like you’re being attacked…..that you always try to put new systems in place for improvement; that you’re not afraid to try new ideas and ways to get things done efficiently. And even after that, if you still F up, you’ve done everything right.
Maybe…just maybe….that’s all you’re capable of.
And that is perfectly okay.
Photo courtesy Free Digital Photos
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